Your Ignorance Cramps My Conversation

The Stealth Bomber Is Supposed To Be A Big Deal. It Flies In Undetected, Bombs, Then Flies Away. Hell, I've Been Doing That All My Life.

Personally, I Never Drink On Oscar Nights, As It Interferes With My Suffering.

It's Amazing How Many People You See On Tv. I Did My First Television Show A Month Ago, And The Next Day Five Million Television Sets Were Sold. The People Who Couldn't Sell Theirs Threw Them Away.

Middle Age Is When You Still Believe You'll Feel Better In The Morning.

If They Liked You, They Didn't Applaud -- They Let You Live.