Remember, Only A Policeman Is Allowed To

Get Married With The Feeling It Is Going To Last. Not Like The Bride I Know Who Doubled The Wedding Cake Recipe And Froze One.

Whatever You May Look Like, Marry A Man Your Own Age - As Your Beauty Fades, So Will His Eyesight.

... If They [your Children] Write Their Names In The Dust On The Furniture, Don't Let Them Put The Year.

You Know You're Old When Someone Compliments You On Your Alligator Shoes, And You're Barefoot.

I Was The World's Ugliest Baby. I Have Photos Of My Folks Leaving The Hospital With Sacks Over Their Heads... I Asked My Mother How To Turn Off The Electric Fan. She Said 'grab The Blade!