List of Phyllis Diller Quotes

Some Wives Have Model Husbands, I Got One That Needed Remodeling.

Once Fang Took Pep Pills And They Worked - The Only Time He Ever Ran To Bed.

Choose A Checked Or Striped Wall Paper. People Will Be Halfway Home Before They Are Able To Focus.

Comedy Is Tragedy Revisited Or Hostility. It Is Mock Hostility, Of Course, Or It Would Be Ugly; We Would Have A War.

The Only Parts Left Of My Original Body Are My Elbows.

I Remember Once A Vocational Director Said To Fang, "you Must Develop Some Mechanical Skills - Like Getting Out Of Bed."

When I Go To Bed At Night, I've Got So Much Grease On My Body I Wear Snow Chains To Hold Up My Gown.

I Became A Stand-up Comedienne Because I Had A Sit-down Husband.

It's A Certain Kind Of Immortality, Because Those Disney Films Do Go On And On And On.

Just The Other Day I Said To Fang, "don't You Think We've Got A Storybook Romance?" And He Said, "yes, And Every Page Is Ripped.

My Plastic Surgeon ... Said My Face Looked Like A Bouquet Of Elbows.

It's An Ill Will That Blows When You Leave The Hairdresser.