If It Weren't For My Adam's Apple,

The Real Reason Your Pro Tells You To Keep Your Head Down Is So You Can't See Him Laughing At You.

I'd Love To Slit My Mother-in-law's Corsets And Watch Her Spread To Death.

[when To Have A Facelift:] If You're Tripping Over Your Neck.

The Reason I'm Not An Alcoholic Is I Don't Like To Drink In Front Of The Kids . . . And When You're Away From Them, Who Needs It?.

A Terrible Thing Happened To Me Last Night Again—nothing.