Never Trust A Man Who Combs His

My Father Always Wanted To Be The Corpse At Every Funeral, The Bride At Every Wedding And The Baby At Every Christening.

If You Can't Say Something Nice About Someone, Come And Sit Right Here Next To Me.

You Can't Make A Souffle Rise Twice.

If You Have Nothing Good To Say About Anyone, Come And Sit With Me.

I Live By Three Rules: I Eat When I'm Hungry, Sleep When I'm Tired And Scratch When I Itch.