My Own Laugh Is The Real Thing

When I Go To The Beach, Even The Tide Won't Come In.

By Far The Most Common Craving Of Pregnant Women Is Not To Be Pregnant.

There's Such A Buildup Of Crud In My Oven, There's Only Room To Bake A Single Cupcake.

I Was So Wrinkled I Could Screw My Hats On.

To Get A Roaster Clean, Send Something Like Baked Apples In It To A Neighbor. Neighbors Always Return Pans Spotless, And You Won't Have To Use A Blow Torch On It Like You Usually Do.