My Main Ambition As A Gardener Is

The Advantages Of Whiskey Over Dogs Are Legion. Whiskey Does Not Need To Be Periodically Wormed, It Does Not Need To Be Fed, It Never Requires A Special Kennel, It Has No Toenails To Be Clipped Or Coat To Be Stripped. Whiskey Sits Quietly In Its Special Nook Until You Want It. True, Whiskey Has A Nasty Habit Of Running Out, But Then So Does A Dog.

Smile First Thing In The Morning. Get It Over With.

I Spent Half My Money On Gambling, Alcohol And Wild Women. The Other Half I Wasted.

I Have Spent A Lot Of Time Searching Through The Bible For Loopholes.

If I Ever Found A Church That Didn't Believe In Knocking All The Other Churches, I Might Consider Joining It.