I Don't Drink Water. Have You Seen

I Drink With Impunity...or Anyone Else Who Invites Me.

Comedy Is Merely Tragedy Happening To Someone Else.

Variant: I Was Driven To Drink By A Woman. I Am Forever Grateful, Yet I Never Had The Good Manners To Thank Her.

I Would Rather Be Living In Philadelphia.

Fields' Reply: He'd Think I Was A Sissy.