It Is Funnier To Bend Things Than

I've Been On A 46-year Diet Of Olives And Alcohol. The Latter I Consume. The Former I Save And Use Over Again In More Alcohol. In My Lifetime, I Imagine, I Have Consumed At Least $200,000 Worth Of Whisky.

I Was Almost Put Out Of Business By A Well-meaning Corpse.

It Is Funnier To Bend Things Than To Break Them.

It Is Impossible To Find Twelve Fair Men In All The World.

I Was Married Once--in San Francisco. I Haven't Seen Her For Many Years. The Great Earthquake And Fire In 1906 Destroyed The Marriage Certificate. There's No Legal Proof. Which Proves That Earthquakes Aren't All Bad.