I've Been On A 46-year Diet Of

Just Like My Uncle Charlie Used To Say, Just Before He Sprung The Trap: He Said, "you Can't Cheat And Honest Man! Never Give A Sucker An Even Break Or Smarten Up A Chump!

The Advantages Of Whiskey Over Dogs Are Legion. Whiskey Does Not Need To Be Periodically Wormed, It Does Not Need To Be Fed, It Never Requires A Special Kennel, It Has No Toenails To Be Clipped Or Coat To Be Stripped. Whiskey Sits Quietly In Its Special Nook Until You Want It. True, Whiskey Has A Nasty Habit Of Running Out, But Then So Does A Dog.

I Believe In Tying The Marriage Knot, As Long As It's Around The Woman's Neck

Women Are Like Elephants To Me. I Like To Look At Them, But I Wouldn't Want To Own One.

Business Is An Establishment That Gives You The Legal, Even Though Unethical, Right To Screw The Naive-right, Left, And In The Middle.