Buried My Wife The Other Day. Had

This Job Will Drive Me To Drink, And For That Reason, I Will Be Eternally Grateful.

I Never Voted For Anybody. I Always Voted Against.

I Seldom Took A Drink On The Set Before 9 A.m.

I Was Married Once--in San Francisco. I Haven't Seen Her For Many Years. The Great Earthquake And Fire In 1906 Destroyed The Marriage Certificate. There's No Legal Proof. Which Proves That Earthquakes Aren't All Bad.

Ah, The Patter Of Little Feet Around The House. There's Nothing Like Having A Midget For A Butler.