After Two Days In The Hospital, I

In Every Big City There Is Always One Surefire Laugh, And That Lies In Hanging Some Piece Of Idiocy Upon The People Of A Nearby City Or Town.

I Don't Drink Water. Have You Seen The Way It Rusts Pipes?

There Are Seven Natural Openings In The Head And Body. A Lawyer Is The Only Human Being With Eight. The Extra One Is A Slot To Store Money In, Should His Bank Be Unable To Hold All Of It.

The Only Thing A Lawyer Won't Question Is The Legitimacy Of His Mother.

I Have Been Advised By The Best Medical Authority, At My Age, Not To Attempt To Give Up Alcohol.