After Two Days In The Hospital, I

Thou Shalt Not Take The Name Of The Lord Thy God In Vain Unless You've Used Up All The Other Four-letter Words.

Smile First Thing In The Morning. Get It Over With.

I Was Married Once--in San Francisco. I Haven't Seen Her For Many Years. The Great Earthquake And Fire In 1906 Destroyed The Marriage Certificate. There's No Legal Proof. Which Proves That Earthquakes Aren't All Bad.

If I Had My Life To Live Over Again, I'd Live Over A Saloon.

I Never Smoked A Cigar In My Life Until I Was Nine