If Pigs Had Wings, They Would Be

I've Been Barbecued, Stewed, Screwed, Tattooed, And Fried By People Claiming To Be My Friends. The Human Race Has Gone Backward, Not Forward, Since The Days We Were Apes Swinging Through The Trees.

A Comic Should Suffer As Much Over A Single Line As A Man With A Hernia Would In Picking Up A Heavy Barbell.

The Two-headed Boy In The Circus Never Had Such A Headache.

I'm Looking For Loopholes. (said When Caught Reading The Bible.).

Horse Sense Is The Thing A Horse Has Which Keeps It From Betting On People.