If Pigs Had Wings, They Would Be

Some People Are Born Losers; Others Acquire The Knack Gradually.

The Movie People Would Have Nothing To Do With Me Until They Heard Me Speak In A Broadway Play, Then They All Wanted To Sign Me For The Silent Movies.

The Funniest Thing About Comedy Is That You Never Know Why People Laugh. I Know What Makes Them Laugh But Trying To Get Your Hands On The Why Of It Is Like Trying To Pick An Eel Out Of A Tub Of Water.

If There's A Will, Prosperity Can't Be Far Behind.

Now Don't Say You Can't Swear Off Drinking; It's Easy. I've Done It A Thousand Times.