If A Thing Is Worth Having, It's

I Was In Love With A Beautiful Blonde Once. She Drove Me To Drink. That's The One Thing I'm Indebted To Her For.

Variant: I Was Driven To Drink By A Woman. I Am Forever Grateful, Yet I Never Had The Good Manners To Thank Her.

What Would You Do If You Were President, And, On The First Day Of May, The Russian Ambassador Presented You With A Beautiful Cake Which Emitted A Curious Ticking Noise? Would You Plunge It Into A Pail Of Water - Thus Insulting Soviet Cuisine In General?

I Would Rather Be Living In Philadelphia.

All My Available Funds Are Completely Tied Up In Cash.