I Was The World's Ugliest Baby. When

I Asked The Waiter, 'is This Milk Fresh?' He Said, 'lady, Three Hours Ago It Was Grass.'

I Asked My Hairdresser What Would Look Good On Me. She Says A Los Angeles Rams Football Helmet.

Doctors Say It's Okay To Have Sex After A Heart Attack, Provided You Close The Ambulance Door.

You Know You're Old When Someone Compliments You On Your Alligator Shoes, And You're Barefoot.

I'm The Woman Who Used To Think That Middle-age Spread Was A Cocktail Dip.