I Love Steven Wright.

Specifically In Stand-up, I Love Jokes. I Love Short, Structured Ideas And A Punchline.

A Musical Is The Same As A Burlap Sack, I Would Not Want To Be In Either

I Like To Use 'i Can't Believe It's Not Butter' On My Toast In The Morning, Because Sometimes When I Eat Breakfast, I Like To Be Incredulous. How Was Breakfast? Unbelievable.

I Equals All Of The Ifs Added Up Over Time. The Ifs, Those Are The Possibilities; That's Infinite For All Of Us. Every Day There Are Just Millions Of Them. Time, That's Finite For Each Of Us; There Is No Question There. Maybe If You Divide Choices By The Amount Of Time You Have, The Real I Can Emerge, Depending Upon Those Choices.

Man Is The Most Powerful Creature On The Planet. And We're Arrogant. I Mean, People Own Birds. It's Like, There's A Creature With The Gift Of Flight. I Want It. I'm Going To Put It In My Kitchen And Make It Crap On Old Information.