I Love Steven Wright.

I Think Since I Was Kid People Told Me That They Thought I Was Funny.

I Am Everything And I Am Nothing. I Am Just Kidding; I Am Not Everything And Nothing. That Would Be Ridiculous. I Am Just Everything.

I Always Try To Just Be Honest ... As Opposed To Artifice Or Manipulation.

I Think There's A Difference Between Making Comedy And Reporting Comedy. When You're A Joke Teller You Can Easily Fall Into The Second, You Can Show Up And Just Say The Jokes.

Drunken Behavior Will Not Be Tolerated, Except By Those Who Are Being Hilarious.