I Got Into Stand Up Just To

I Bought A Clock, But The Big Hand Broke Off Of It... So I Just Added "ish" To Every Number.

If Only Loud People Were Even Half As Interesting As They Think They Are.

There's A Very Fine Line Between Giving Someone The Heimlich Maneuver And Dry-humping A Stranger.

A Parade Looks Like A Bunch Of People Are Excited About Being In Traffic.

'sort Of' Is Such A Harmless Thing To Say... Sort Of. It's Just A Filler. Sort Of... It Doesn't Really Mean Anything. But After Certain Things, Sort Of Means Everything. Like... After "i Love You"... Or "you're Going To Live."