When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Whisky

We Frequently Hear Of People Dying From Too Much Drinking. That This Happens Is A Matter Of Record. But The Blame Is Always Placed On Whisky. Why This Should Be I Never Could Understand. You Can Die From Drinking Too Much Of Anything - Coffee, Water, Milk, Soft Drinks And All Such Stuff As That. And So As Long As The Presence Of Death Lurks With Anyone Who Goes Through The Simple Act Of Swallowing. I Will Make Mine Whisky.

Just Like My Uncle Charlie Used To Say, Just Before He Sprung The Trap: He Said, "you Can't Cheat And Honest Man! Never Give A Sucker An Even Break Or Smarten Up A Chump!

My Main Ambition As A Gardener Is To Water My Orange Trees With Gin, Then All I Have To Do Is Squeeze The Juice Into A Glass.

It's Morally Wrong To Allow A Sucker To Keep His Money.

I Have A Poor Memory For Names; But I Seldom Remember A Face.