When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Whisky

I Don't Know Why I Ever Come In Here. The Flies Get The Best Of Everything.

I Used To Be Indecisive, Now I'm Not So Sure.

Christmas At My House Is Always At Least Six Or Seven Times More Pleasant Than Anywhere Else. We Start Drinking Early. And While Everyone Else Is Seeing Only One Santa Claus, We'll Be Seeing Six Or Seven.

I Exercise Strong Self Control. I Never Drink Anything Stronger Than Gin Before Breakfast.

I Always Made Up My Own Acts; Built Them Out Of My Knowledge And Observation Of Real Life. I'd Had Wonderful Opportunities To Study People; And Every Time I Went Out On The Stage I Tried To Show The Audience Some Bit Of True Human Nature.