When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Whisky

I Don't Believe In Dining On An Empty Stomach.

If It Does Not Work The First Time, Try, Try Again. Then Quit. No Need To Be An Idiot.

I Believe In Tying The Marriage Knot, As Long As It's Around The Woman's Neck

I Ad Lib Most Of My Dialogue. If I Did Remember My Lines, It Would Be Too Bad For Me.

The First Thing Any Comedian Does On Getting An Unscheduled Laugh Is To Verify The State Of His .