When I Go To The Beach, Even

The Last Thing I'd Learn, Well Into My Career, Was How To Get On, How To Say Hello, How To Get In With The Audience.

When I Go To Bed At Night, I've Got So Much Grease On My Body I Wear Snow Chains To Hold Up My Gown.

I Became A Stand-up Comedienne Because I Had A Sit-down Husband.

My Recipe For Dealing With Anger And Frustration: Set The Kitchen Timer For Twenty Minutes, Cry, Rant, And Rave, And At The Sound Of The Bell, Simmer Down And Go About Business As Usual.

I've Tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, T'ai Chi, Feng Shui And Deepak Chopra But I Find Straight Gin Works Best.