Well, As You Know, I'm Really Only

I Tolerate Lactose Like I Tolerate People.

I Think Golf Is Literally An Addiction. I'm Surprised There's Not Golf Anonymous.

I'm A Walking, Talking Enigma. We're A Dying Breed.

I Had A Wonderful Childhood, Which Is Tough Because It's Hard To Adjust To A Miserable Adulthood.

I Couldn't Be Happier That President Bush Has Stood Up For Having Served In The National Guard, Because I Can Finally Put An End To All Those Who Questioned My Motives For Enlisting In The Army Reserve At The Height Of The Vietnam War.