Thou Shalt Not Steal-only From Other Comedians.

Back In My Rummy Days, I Would Tremble And Shake For Hours Upon Arising. It Was The Only Exercise I Got.

Beer: Helping Ugly People Have Sex Since 3000 B. C.

A Man Who's Intoxicated All The Time Doesn't Need Sympathy.

I've Never Hit A Woman In My Life. Not Even My Own Mother.

Ye Gads, No! I Couldn't Stand The Noise.