They Used To Beat Me Up After

Sometimes, When You Want To Make A Difference In A Person's Life, Stay Out Of It.

When I Have A Really Hot Date At A Show, I Definitely Make It A Point To Use Her Name. The Girls Really Love That.

You Know You're Lazy When You Run Out Of Toilet Paper And Use The Cardboard Roll To Wipe With.

A Lot Of Comics Are Kind Of Vampire Types; We Do Our Shows And Disappear Into The Night. My Philosophy Was, This Is Like Politics, And If I Want People To Know About My Campaign, I'm Going To Go Out There And Shake Hands.

Sometimes, Like We All Do, I Look At Myself In The Mirror. Sometimes I Cry. Like A Really Hard Cry Like You Just Watch Yourself Cry But Then You're Done And You're Just Glowing And You're Staring At Yourself.