The Academy Awards Are Passed Out On

Today Coming To Work, I Saw One Of Those Only In New York Scenes. It Was A Rat Who Had Passed Out After Choking On A Pretzel.

The Night Before The Olympics Opening Ceremony, My Son, Who Is Eight Years Old, Gets Very Excited And Likes To Put Out A Plate Of Cookies And Some Milk For Bob Costas.

The Candidates At The Republican Debate Looked Like A Town Council That Was Outlawing Dancing. They Looked Like A Board Of Directors That Was Lying About Poisoning A River.

President Obama Says He Wants To Put An End To The Policy, 'don't Ask, Don't Tell.' Yeah, In The Military. This Is Not To Be Confused With George Bush's Policy, 'don't Know, Don't Care.' That's A Whole Different Deal.

Rick Perry Is Now Saying He Thinks That Barack Obama's Birth Certificate Is Fake. I Think Perry May Have Faked His Driver's License.