The Night Before The Olympics Opening Ceremony,

When I Became A Sigma Chi It Was Great, Because They Were The Pople I Enjoyed Being With And I Was Very Proud Of The Association. It Was Kind Of An Instant Confidence Builder For Me--that What I Considered The Best Fraternity On Campus Had Actually Wanted Me. And I Had Always Been Very Shy And Without A Lot Of Confidence. So It Was A Really Good Social Experience And For Me It Was Also A Social Maturation. It Was A Great Benefit.

Have You Seen A Copy Of Tax Tips For Billionaires?

I Saw A Robin Redbreast In Central Park Today, But It Turned Out To Be A Sparrow With An Exit Wound.

I Have Nothing Against The North Koreans But This Kim Jong Un Has Got A Screw Loose. A Member Of His Cabinet, His Security Minister, Nods Off, Falls Sleep. We've All Done It. Kim Jong Un Takes The Guy Out And Has Him Executed, Just For Just Falling Asleep. Oh, And He Was Also Deflating Footballs.

Ladies And Gentlemen, After What I've Been Through, I Am Happy Just To Be Wearing Clothes That Open In The Front.