He Opened A Window In My Heart,

Remember Evil Russian Dictator Vladimir Putin? He Vanished For 10 Days. He Had Disappeared And There Were A Lot Of Rumors. One Rumor Was He Had Disappeared Because He Had Himself Executed.

Yesterday Senator John Kerry Changed His Mind And Now Supports The Ban On Gay Marriages. I'm Telling You This Guy Has More Positions Than Paris Hilton.

There's A Turkey Shortage. Are You Aware Of That Fact? There's Also A Gravy Shortage. It's Up To $4 A Gallon. Governor Chris Christie Wants To Build A Gravy Pipeline.

This Will Be Michelle Obama's Last Opportunity To Try To Get Me To Eat Kale.

The Night Before The Olympics Opening Ceremony, My Son, Who Is Eight Years Old, Gets Very Excited And Likes To Put Out A Plate Of Cookies And Some Milk For Bob Costas.