Personally, I Never Drink On Oscar Nights,

A Freudian Slip Is When You Say One Thing But Mean Your Mother.

Kissing Is Like Drinking Tea With A Tea Strainer, You Can Never Get Enough.

Middle Age Is When You Still Believe You'll Feel Better In The Morning.

Us President Gerald Ford's Golf Was So Bad We Thought He Was A 'hitman For The Pga!

I Would Not Have Had Anything To Eat If It Wasn't For The Stuff The Audience Threw At Me.