My Son Says I Never Tell Stories

The World Is Full Of Little Dictators Trying To Run Your Life.

I'm Only... I'm Only Unhappy When The Reviews Are Bad, But Give Me A Good Review And I'm A... I'm Just Screaming All Over The Place With Joy.

I Think One Of The Big Things About Comedy Is The Ability For The Audience To Identify.

My Brother Is The Youngest Member Of The College Of Physicians And Surgeons. And I Wouldn't Let Him Cut My Nails.

When I Was In The Hospital They Gave Me Apple Juice Every Morning, Even After I Told Them I Didn't Like It. I Had To Get Even. One Morning, I Poured The Apple Juice Into The Specimen Tube. The Nurse Held It Up And Said, 'it's A Little Cloudy.' I Took The Tube From Her And Said, 'let Me Run It Through Again,' And Drank It. The Nurse Fainted.