My Son Says I Never Tell Stories

I Think One Of The Big Things About Comedy Is The Ability For The Audience To Identify.

Eating Takes A Special Talent. Some People Are Much Better At It Than Others. In That Way, It Is Like Sex, And As With Sex, It's More Fun With Someone Who Really Likes It. I Can't Imagine Having A Lasting Friendship With Anyone Who Is Not Interested In Food.

Milton Took Vaudeville, Which, If You Look Up 'vaudeville' In The Dictionary, Right Alongside Of It, It Says 'milton Berle' - And He Made It Just A Tremendous Party.

Everything My Mother Made Had To Cook For 80 Hours, And When She Made Matzoh Balls She Didn't Know Fluffy. Everything Sank.

Banks Have A New Image. Now You Have 'a Friend,' Your Friendly Banker. If The Banks Are So Friendly, How Come They Chain Down The Pens?