My Son Says I Never Tell Stories

And Humor Has Always Been A Weapon. You Want To Get Even On Somebody? You Want To Attack Somebody? Make Fun Of Them.

If You Want To Read About Love And Marriage, You've Got To Buy Two Separate Books.

My Mother's Sister Was Killed In A Trolley Car Accident, So I Was Raised As One Of Eight With My Sister And Six Male Cousins.

When I Get Up In The Morning, I Have To Decide What I'm Going To Have For Dinner Or I Can't Get Through The Day.

When I Was In The Hospital They Gave Me Apple Juice Every Morning, Even After I Told Them I Didn't Like It. I Had To Get Even. One Morning, I Poured The Apple Juice Into The Specimen Tube. The Nurse Held It Up And Said, 'it's A Little Cloudy.' I Took The Tube From Her And Said, 'let Me Run It Through Again,' And Drank It. The Nurse Fainted.