You Do Live Longer With Bran, But

My Father Was A Dreamer - My Hero. He Was A Smart, Tough Guy From Poland, A Cutter Of Lady's Handbags, An Old Socialist-unionist Who Always Considered Himself A Failure. His Big Line Was: 'don't End Up Like Me.'

I Had A Sympathetic Role In 'thirtysomething,' And In Two Weeks I'm Going To Do The Role Again. But In The Movies, I Just Love The Heavies. It's Much More Fun. Villains Are A Ball. People Have Been Laughing At Me For 50 Years, So I Love To Sit In The Back Of The Theater And Listen To Them Hate Me.

The Other Day My House Caught Fire. My Lawyer Said, "shouldn't Be A Problem. What Kind Of Coverage Do You Have?" I Said, "fire And Theft." The Lawyer Frowned. "uh Oh. Wrong Kind. Should Be Fire Or Theft."

I Won't Eat In A Place That Has Suits Of Armor.

Milton Took Vaudeville, Which, If You Look Up 'vaudeville' In The Dictionary, Right Alongside Of It, It Says 'milton Berle' - And He Made It Just A Tremendous Party.