Louis B. Mayer Came Out West With

If I Had That Kind Of Money, I Wouldn't Come To Vietnam, I'd Send For It.

Welcome To The Academy Awards, Or, As It's Known At My House, Passover.

The Stealth Bomber Is Supposed To Be A Big Deal. It Flies In Undetected, Bombs, Then Flies Away. Hell, I've Been Doing That All My Life.

Golf's Really Fun In Japan Because Of The Women Caddies. ... I Saw One Guy Start Out Playing Alone With His Caddie. By The 9th Hole They Were Engaged And When They Finished On 18 They Had A Foursome.

I Would Not Have Had Anything To Eat If It Wasn't For The Stuff The Audience Threw At Me.