Looking 50 Is Great, If You're 60.

I Was So Flat I Used To Put Xs On My Chest And Write, 'you Are Here.' I Wore Angora Sweaters Just So The Guys Would Have Something To Pet.

Here's A Thanksgiving Tip. Generally, Your Turkey Is Not Cooked Enough If It Passes You The Cranberry Sauce.

I'm Going Out With These Old Guys. One Guy Gave Me A Hickey And Left His Teeth In My Neck. Another Man, We Were Having A Perfectly Lovely Dinner; He Looked Up And Me And Went: You're Not My Wife! Another Guy Died During Dinner. I Had To Go In His Pocket To Get The American Express Card. Then You Wonder: What Would He Tip? Another Guy Said: I Want You To Meet My Family, And Took Me To The Cemetery.

I Said Justin Bieber Looked Like A Little Lesbian -- And I Stand By It: He's The Daughter Cher Wishes She'd Had.

God Always Comes Up With A Third Act Twist -- And We Won't Know Until We Die Whether The Play Was A Comedy Or A Tragedy.