Kissing Is Like Drinking Tea With A

A Very, Very Religious Man. Every Time I Eat A Peanut, I Feel Immortal.

Personally, I Never Drink On Oscar Nights, As It Interferes With My Suffering.

I Don't Do A Lot Of Political Jokes. Too Many Are Getting Elected.

I Was Called Rembrandt Hope In My Boxing Days, Because I Spent So Much Time On The Canvas.

The Old Water Heater In My Dressing Room Was Working, But It Was Kind Of Tired. It Gave Off About As Much Warmth As An Agent's Handshake.