I've Always Wanted To Go To Switzerland

Scotland Has The Only Football Team In The World That Does A Lap Of Disgrace.

A Well-balanced Person Has A Drink In Each Hand.

I Decided To Stop Drinking While It Was Still My Idea.

I Used To Be A Folk Singer, But I Was... Dreadful. I Had A Voice Like A Goose Farting In The Fog.

Now, The Country Is In A Terrible State, And You've Blamed It On A Number Of Things: Unemployment Rate, The Value Of The Pound And All That... Wrll, It's Because The National Anthem Is Boring.