It Ain't What They Call You, It's

I Ad Lib Most Of My Dialogue. If I Did Remember My Lines, It Would Be Too Bad For Me.

When You Wake Up In The Morning, Smile - And Get It Over With.

I Always Made Up My Own Acts; Built Them Out Of My Knowledge And Observation Of Real Life. I'd Had Wonderful Opportunities To Study People; And Every Time I Went Out On The Stage I Tried To Show The Audience Some Bit Of True Human Nature.

A Man Who Overindulges Lives In A Dream. He Becomes Conceited. He Thinks The Whole World Revolves Around Him; And It Usually Does.

Beer: Helping Ugly People Have Sex Since 3000 B. C.