I'm Getting So Old My Insurance Company

I Was So Ugly My Parents Had To Hang A Pork Chop Around My Neck To Get The Dog To Play With Me.

My Psychiatrist Told Me I Was Crazy And I Said I Want A Second Opinion. He Said Okay, You're Ugly Too.

On Halloween, The Parents Sent Their Kids Out Looking Like Me.

When I Played In The Sandbox, The Cat Kept Covering Me Up.

I Drink Too Much. The Last Time I Gave A Urine Sample It Had An Olive In It.