I'm From Such An Old Family, It's

My Husband Is So Cheap. On Christmas Eve, He Fires One Shot And Tells The Kids Santa Committed Suicide.

Religion Is Such A Medieval Idea. Don't Get Me Started. I Have Thought About Every Facet Of Religion, And I Can't Buy Any Of It.

Whatever You May Look Like, Marry A Man Your Own Age - As Your Beauty Fades, So Will His Eyesight.

My Mother-in-law Had A Pain Beneath Her Left Breast. Turned Out To Be A Trick Knee.

I'm From Such An Old Family, It's Been Condemned.