I'm A Great Lover, I'll Bet.

There's A Joke In Everything, The Trick Is Finding It. The Best Compliment A Joke Can Get Is What Huxley Said About Darwin's Theory Of Evolution - 'why Didn't I Think Of That?'

You Don't Appreciate A Lot Of Stuff In School Until You Get Older. Little Things Like Being Spanked Every Day By A Middle-aged Woman: Stuff You Pay Good Money For In Later Life.

I've Been At Stand-up 26 Years Now: After A While, You Get As Jaded As The Proverbial Gynecologist Who No Longer Enjoys Drugging And Violating His Patients.

Even The Worst Comic Is At Least Somewhat Entertaining, If Only In A Pathological Way, For Five Minutes.

I Used To Think That The Brain Was The Most Wonderful Organ In My Body. Then I Realized Who Was Telling Me This.