People Come Up To Me And Say,

Probably The Toughest Time In Anyone's Life Is When You Have To Murder A Loved One Because They're The Devil.

When I Wake Up In The Morning, I Just Can't Get Started Until I've Had That First, Piping Hot Pot Of Coffee. Oh, I've Tried Other Enemas.

I Once Had A Large Gay Following, But I Ducked Into An Alleyway And Lost Him.

I Love My Family. I Came Home The Other Days. My Brother's Passed-out On The Couch, Holding An Empty Bottle Of Sleeping Pills. So I Called The Paramedics, And They Pumped His Stomach, And I Think He's Learned His Lesson: You Know, Never To Take My Last Two Sleeping Pills.

When Deciding Between Two Competing Theories, Always Go With The One That Doesn't Involve A Magic Spell.