The Other Night, The President Gave A

My Sister Married A German. He Complained He Couldn't Get A Good Bagel Back Home. I Said: 'well, Whose Fault Is That?'

I Think It's Good To Know More Than The Average Guy. If I'm In A Bar Now And Some Pretty Girl Is Talking To Some Handsome 24-year-old Man, I'll Say, "okay, Who's The Emperor After Caligula? What Chief Mistake Did Marcus Aurelius Make In Choosing A Successor?" He'll Just Look Like An Idiot. She'll Just Gravitate Toward Me, I'm Thinking. It Works In Detroit.

When I Was A Kid, My Favourite Time Of The Year When I Was Child Was That Magical First Snowfall. I'd Yell Yippee! Snow! And Run Up To The Front Door And Shout You Know The Deal... You Have To Let Me In Now.

I Think Of People As Members Of An Audience. But An Audience Acts Independently Of Every Individual. It's An Organism On Its Own. I Focus On That Living Hydra In The Dark.

Christmas Seems To Start Earlier And Earlier Every Year. Like, This Time, It's On December 25th.