If They Liked You, They Didn't Applaud

In England When You Make A Movie Even The Weather Is Against You. In Hollywood The Weatherman Gets A Shooting Schedule From All The Major Studios And Then Figures Out Where He Can Fit In A Little Rain Without Upsetting Metro-goldwyn-mayer Too Much.

I Have Performed For 12 Presidents And Entertained Only Six.

I Left England When I Was Four Because I Found Out I Could Never Be King.

Drugs Are Very Much A Part Of Professional Sports Today, But When You Think About It, Golf Is The Only Sport Where The Players Aren't Penalized For Being On Grass.

You Could Buy My Book In A Paperback Edition For A Dollar, And In Hard Covers For $3.50. And For Fifty Cents Extra, I Come Around To Your House Personally And Wet Your Finger While You're Turning The Pages.