The Best Thing About Growing Older Is

Personally, I Never Drink On Oscar Nights, As It Interferes With My Suffering.

Did You See Where President Reagan Finally Got A Hearing Aid? People Have Been Telling Him To Get One For Years, But He Couldn't Hear Them.

Golf Is A Hard Game To Figure. One Day You Will Go Out And Slice It And Shank It, Hit Into All The Traps And Miss Every Green. The Next Day You Go Out And, For No Reason At All, You Really Stink.

Bing Crosby And I Weren't The Types To Go Around Kissing Each Other. We Always Had A Light Jab For Each Other. One Of Our Stock Lines Used To Be "there's Nothing I Wouldn't Do For Bing, And There's Nothing He Wouldn't Do For Me." And That's The Way We Go Through Life - Doing Nothing For Each Other!

I Have This Terrific Make-up Man. But He's Expensive. I Have To Bring Him In From Lourdes.