If Soccer Was An American Soft Drink,

Instead Of Getting Married Again, I'm Going To Find A Woman I Don't Like And Give Her A House.

"have You Done Your Homework?" My Mother Would Ask. "i'll Do It Later." "you Will Do It Now, Young Man. I Don't Want You Winding Up On The Third Shift At Flagg-utica." Flagg-utica Was A Local Textile Plant. Somehow, I Never Could Figure How Failing To Read Three Chapters In My Geography Book About The Various Sorts Of Vegetation To Be Found In A Tropical Rain Forest Had Anything To Do With Facing A Life As A Mill Hand. But With Enough Guilt And Fear As Catalysts, You Can Read Anything, Even Geography Books And Deuteronomy.

The Only Way That I Could Figure They Could Improve Upon Coca-cola, One Of Life's Most Delightful Elixirs, Which Studies Prove Will Heal The Sick And Occasionally Raise The Dead, Is To Put Bourbon In It.

I Came From A Big Family. As A Matter Of Fact, I Never Got To Sleep Alone Until I Was Married.

There's No Such Thing As Being Too Southern.