I'd Take A Bromo, But I Can't

Attitude Is More Important Than The Past, Than Education, Than Money, Than Circumstances, Than What People Do Or Say. It Is More Important Than Appearance, Giftedness, Or Skill.

Beer: Helping Ugly People Have Sex Since 3000 B. C.

Comedy Is Merely Tragedy Happening To Someone Else.

I've Been Barbecued, Stewed, Screwed, Tattooed, And Fried By People Claiming To Be My Friends. The Human Race Has Gone Backward, Not Forward, Since The Days We Were Apes Swinging Through The Trees.

The Work I'm Doing On The Screen Differs From That Of Anyone Else. My Comedy Is Of A Peculiar Nature...no Writers Have Been Developed Along The Lines Of My Type Of Comedy And This Is Why I Sometimes Have Differences With Writers, Supervisors And Directors Alike.