Never Give A Sucker An Even Break.

I Never Drink Water; That Is The Stuff That Rusts Pipes.

There Are Better Things Than Sex, But Nothing Quite Like It.

Somebody's Been Putting Pineapple Juice In My Pineapple Juice!

Thou Shalt Not Steal-only From Other Comedians.

I Believe In Tying The Marriage Knot, As Long As It's Around The Woman's Neck