I Cook With Wine, Sometimes I Even

I Seldom Took A Drink On The Set Before 9 A.m.

A Thing Worth Having Is A Thing Worth Cheating For.

After Two Days In The Hospital, I Turn To The Nurse.

I've Been Barbecued, Stewed, Screwed, Tattooed, And Fried By People Claiming To Be My Friends. The Human Race Has Gone Backward, Not Forward, Since The Days We Were Apes Swinging Through The Trees.

Variant: I Was Driven To Drink By A Woman. I Am Forever Grateful, Yet I Never Had The Good Manners To Thank Her.