Fields' Reply: He'd Think I Was A

Beer: Helping Ugly People Have Sex Since 3000 B. C.

The Funniest Thing A Comedian Can Do Is Not Do It.

Always Carry A Flagon Of Whiskey In Case Of Snakebite, And Furthermore Always Carry A Small Snake.

Indeed, Moderation Is My Middle Name (though I Do Not Often Use It In Signing Legal Documents)

Hollywood Is The Gold Cap On A Tooth That Should Have Been Pulled Out Years Ago.