I Went To A Massage Parlor, It

My Wife Made Me Join A Bridge Club... I Jump Off Next Tuesday.

Yeah, I Know I'm Ugly... I Said To A Bartender, 'make Me A Zombie.' He Said 'god Beat Me To It.'

My Father Carries Around The Picture Of The Kid Who Came With His Wallet.

You Know You're Ugly When You Go To The Proctologist And He Sticks His Finger In Your Mouth.

I Got Myself Good This Morning Too. I Did My Pushups In The Nude, I Didn't See The Mouse Trap.