I Watch A Happy Person Doing Stand-up,

I Think If They Put A Laugh Track On 'intervention,' It Would Be Funny.

I'm Writing A Book About Siamese Twins That Are Attached At The Nose. It's Called: Stop Staring At Me!

When I Was In High School I Used To Sit By Myself In The Cafeteria - Not Necessarily By Choice - But I Thought It Was Funny To Talk To People That Weren't There.

I Dream Of Moving To India, Or Pakistan, And Becoming A Cabdriver.

The Congressmen And Senators Used To Go Have A Drink In D.c. They Would Disagree All Day Long, But They Would Find That Time To Sit Down And Learn About Each Other Personally. I Think That's Totally Wiped Out; I Don't Think It Really Exists Anymore.