Actually, I Used To Be A Busboy

You Write Things That Are Of Interest To You. There's No Focus Group.

I Don't Like To Have Anybody Tell Me To Be In A Place At Certain Times. That's Kind Of The Advantage Of Stand Up. You're Self-employed.

I Think If They Put A Laugh Track On 'intervention,' It Would Be Funny.

I Don't Want To Do An Edgy Show, I Didn't Want Bad Language. I Think Edginess Is The New Hackiness.

I Have To Stop Crying When I Watch "the View". It's Not Because Of The Topics At Hand, I Just Feel Sorry For That Couch.