I Was Doing Comedy In Laundry Mats

It's Hard To Be Happy For Someone When You Know Deep Down They'd Kill You If They Had The Chance.

Even When I Go To A Salad Bar, I Need To Feel Like I'm One Of The First People There.

I Was Being Chased By A Giant Crab. That's Not Funny.

Ex-girlfriends Will Find Themselves In My New Routine. Sometimes They Like That, And Sometimes They Definitely Do Not. But Comedians Should Come With A Giant Warning Or Disclaimer: If You Date Me, It Will Be In My Act.

Jim Norton And Harland Williams Always Make Me Laugh.