I Was Being Chased By A Giant

That Myspace Is The Story Of The Year. Everyone But My Mother Is On It.

You Have To Realize, When You're A Comedian, That You Have To Have A Thick Skin. And Trust Me, Being Onstage In Front Of People Is Already Difficult Enough. Somebody's Personal Attack In An Email Is Not As Hard As Getting Onstage.

You Know You're Lazy When You Run Out Of Toilet Paper And Use The Cardboard Roll To Wipe With.

I Would Love To Have Acidy Spit.

My Real First Job Was Delivering Newspapers With I Was 15. I Would Ride My Bike Around And Chuck Papers At People's Houses. The Thing That Sucked Is When I Would Go Collecting Everyone Acted Like They Were Not Home. Totally Sucked But Because I Could Control The Weather I Showered Trashcan Size Hail Down On Their Homes Until They Were Completely Decimated.